do you just keep it to yourself?
It's been a tough and strange day, I'm still not over the whole kristan thing.- I just am not sure how to act about it, or really go about it, but I know it has mellowed me out.
I thought my dad was warming up to the MD idea, but it still seems a bit awkward, mom of course is no where near ready for another Jessica Pre-Med outbreak.
Just before she left she gave me a lecture of how being a mom is the greatest job you will ever have or want. I listened quietly, but inside I knew I wasn't fully agreeing with her. Yes, I do agree that being a mom is an amazing thing and something I would like to become, but just not now. I'm not ready. Hell, I'm not ready to even deal with marriage or anything close to that. I'm defining myself right now, I'm selfish -just a bit. I need to find my way, get on the pathway I want and go for it before anything like that will ever happen. I just don't think she understands that we are geared differently. She was ready at 19, all she ever wanted to be was a mom and that's what she did. She just has this image in her mind that I am going to be the same way, she wants me to live close, get married, have children and bring them over all the time.
It's hard to argue with her, it would be amazing to have some life like that, but it's just not the way I am. Maybe down the road, but not today. Today I dream of becoming an MD, someone who will help people and someone who will be carrier driven for the most part of her life. I get giddy just buying Anatomy books or books on become\ing a doctor, I like to spend part of my day on SDN and will only ever watch the t.v. when House, Gray's Anatomy, or Scrubs are on. I live for this stuff and when you don't feel like the world is rooting you on anymore it gets tough.
I know it's going to get harder, but I believe the more I put into this career choice the more I will indefinitely get back and the more respect and response I will get.
I just need to stick it out for now, keep my head in the books, cross my fingers for the volunteer spot and keep on keeping.
I'm off to read my new purchases : Becoming a Doctor- Melvin Knner, M.D. and The Human Body Book.
Oi, and submit my volunteer application finally! -I'll let you know how that goes.