Tuesday, June 9, 2009

When no one seems to care,

do you just keep it to yourself?
It's been a tough and strange day, I'm still not over the whole kristan thing.- I just am not sure how to act about it, or really go about it, but I know it has mellowed me out.
I thought my dad was warming up to the MD idea, but it still seems a bit awkward, mom of course is no where near ready for another Jessica Pre-Med outbreak.
Just before she left she gave me a lecture of how being a mom is the greatest job you will ever have or want. I listened quietly, but inside I knew I wasn't fully agreeing with her. Yes, I do agree that being a mom is an amazing thing and something I would like to become, but just not now. I'm not ready. Hell, I'm not ready to even deal with marriage or anything close to that. I'm defining myself right now, I'm selfish -just a bit. I need to find my way, get on the pathway I want and go for it before anything like that will ever happen. I just don't think she understands that we are geared differently. She was ready at 19, all she ever wanted to be was a mom and that's what she did. She just has this image in her mind that I am going to be the same way, she wants me to live close, get married, have children and bring them over all the time.
It's hard to argue with her, it would be amazing to have some life like that, but it's just not the way I am. Maybe down the road, but not today. Today I dream of becoming an MD, someone who will help people and someone who will be carrier driven for the most part of her life. I get giddy just buying Anatomy books or books on become\ing a doctor, I like to spend part of my day on SDN and will only ever watch the t.v. when House, Gray's Anatomy, or Scrubs are on. I live for this stuff and when you don't feel like the world is rooting you on anymore it gets tough.
I know it's going to get harder, but I believe the more I put into this career choice the more I will indefinitely get back and the more respect and response I will get.
I just need to stick it out for now, keep my head in the books, cross my fingers for the volunteer spot and keep on keeping.
I'm off to read my new purchases : Becoming a Doctor- Melvin Knner, M.D. and The Human Body Book.
Oi, and submit my volunteer application finally! -I'll let you know how that goes.
-Jess. a.pre.med.girl.


  1. Hey Jessica,
    I went through the same thing with my parents to an extent. My mom got married at 19, and all she ever wanted was to be a mom. That is the furthest thing from my mind right now because I want to go out in the world and do something with school or get a career, whatever. I think it makes my mom sad that I don't want the life she has, but it doesn't mean I don't respect her. We just have different personalities, and over time she knows that I just need to do my own thing. I think it's great you're focusing on things that you have passion for right now instead of worrying about getting married, etc. You're really talented and have a lot to offer. Don't hold back from going in the direction you're naturally drawn to.
    -Whitney cousin

  2. Oh Jess...
    I kind of get what you are going through right now. My dad still doesn't like the fact that I want to be a teacher. To him, I shouldn't be wasting my brain on something like teaching. What I've been trying to make him understand, is that for me, becoming a teacher is a way to make a difference in this world. If I can make people broaden their ideas, look at the world in different ways, and learn to understand the crazy things in this life, then I am helping this world to become a more loving place for people to live in.
    Unlike you, however, I am getting the heat from my friends to get married and start a family. People don't understand that I don't WANT to start all of that right now. I am young. I want to be able to take this time to focus on my schooling while I have the opportunities. When I have established my life, I can start working on adding other people into it.
    Honestly Jess...right now is the time for us to be a little selfish. Because we need to be given the time to grow on our own, at our own pace. It will make us stronger when we are ready to have families.
    And just so you know: I get butterflies every time I open up a new English Literature book :)

    Luv ya!

  3. whitney- Thank you so much for you support and loving words. It is a tough road isn't it? I'm glad that you commented, it means a lot to me and it helps give me living proof that I can make it through this tough breaking-the-ice point with my parents.
    I am also glad to hear from you in general, how have you been and what have you been up to? It looks like you have done your fair share of traveling.-which ps. makes me very jealous. ;]
    I love you and hope you are doing well. -again, I thank you for letting me know that I can do it. You are sweet and I take your advice to heart. :]
    Take care!
    <3/Jess- your cousin ;]

  4. Jena- I am sorry to hear that you as well must face this trial. It's a sucky one isn't it? haha. But I am glad that you commented. Your point of view and advice helps sustain me. I think there is a small group of us with the same thing going on, we don't fit the mold of the average girl-more so even, the utah girl. We are the ones that feel the need to do, and become more than just our calling as a mom, and we know that we will and must become more than just a mom.- it is nothing to frown upon or belittle- that is to be a mom, but we have the need to be more than just that, and that's just the way we are. ;]
    I am sorry you are getting heat from everywhere- just so you know Grayson has joined the rankings of my family and proclaimed that I will be engaged if not married by the time he gets home from his mission in a year. - I say in your dreams. do you not know me? lol.
    It's hard, I know. We'll stick together and make our dreams come true. ;] I know we can.
    I think you will make an amazing english teacher and know that you can make such a great impact as you reach for and become just that.
    I love you.
    Keep it up girl and I will keep on keeping over here.

  5. Jessica Leigh Burdge! Ok, so my comment will not be as deep as some of the other ones, but OH MY GOSH!!! Pre-Med! That is amazing! I actually think that would be so fun, and if you love to do it, go for it! And, who knows, maybe the art will show up in there too. :) But, girlie! We need to catch up! I'm so glad I found your blog so I can hear more about you! Love ya!